After reading Ana's post about the Disturbing G-String Incident and chuckling to myself about the whole thing - I went happily to my gym safe in the knowledge that I would never suffer from such an outrageous lack of gym etiquette and general manners to the rest of the human race. My workout usually consists of some time on the trusted treadmill, and then to the stepper which I use as my excuse to rest while I flick through old copies of Cleo. It's perfectly situated in front of the giant fan and the TV that screens Channel 10. Whaaat?? I'm still exercising.

I was just about to hop on, when a large blur rushed past me. I stood in disbelief as a platinum blonde woman in a tight sleeveless top and bike shorts hopped on and nonchalantly started programming the stepper while I stood less than a metre away from her with my mouth open. Like literally had my mouth open in shock. I couldn't believe I got sideswiped!! Looking at her, I could understand her enthusiasm for exercising (mean I know-but I was mad) but that was just not nice. To top it off, she started flicking through the magazine I had placed there before. That pissed me off. I was dying to know what my erotic horoscope for 2004 had been. I looked around to see if anyone else had seen this act of total injustice but, conveniently nobody had. Pfft. With lots of evil glares her way, I had finally settled on the bike, when she decided she had had enough (a whole 5 mins!!) and moved on. Grrrrrrrrrrr......

I don't know what it was, but she had it in for me. Every machine I decided on, she had to use it first. She was unaware to the daggers I was throwing her way as she was immersed in her mags and had headphones on. I was seething when she plonked herself on the elliptical thingie in front of me. Visions of torturing her (like the cartoons - her on a spit roast - rotating slowly, her blonde hair catching fire while I laughed maniacally) were going through my mind as I watched her wobbly butt sway to and fro. Damn her.

Given up on the cardio machines, I went to do my weights. I must have sat down with a bit of a Hmph or perhaps the guys all working out could sense the little dark cloud that was hovering over me, but suddenly they all left the area and it went a little quiet. You could almost hear a pin drop. Half expected a tumbleweed to coming blowing through (too many cartoons lol). I gave this teenage guy such a look when he innocently sat down on the machine next to me, he bolted. I started pumping weights, adding more and more on as I kept getting more and more annoyed thinking about it. Finally I could do no more. My arms were like jelly and my legs all shaky from running.

I was worn down, my anger gone, my annoyance dissipated and I couldn't be bothered thinking. I was in a state of Whatever. Heading towards the door down to the change rooms, I gathered up my bag and made my way to the showers. The change rooms were full, but there was one shower awaiting. I just wanted a hot shower, get changed into clean clothes and to get out of there. Besides I was hungry and wanted to get home before I got tempted by the McDonalds on the way. I was about to go in, when I bent down to retrieve my towel that had fallen. As I got up, I heard a click and saw a familiar blonde head go into the shower.

No.

She had NOT just done that.

She had.

That was IT. I gathered my things with as much dignity as I could muster and marched over to the shower. I knocked on the door - once, twice, and then she peeked her head through, bewildered thinking who could possibly be knocking when she was bout to get naked. Me. That's who. Seeing my face, her smile faltered a little and then completely disappeared when I said (politely) to her "Excuse me. I think I was there first".

Silence. Then "No - I don't think so".

I breathed deeply, counting silently to ten as I prepared to let loose a barrage of insults. I was mentally cracking my knuckles and had opened my mouth when - "Actually - she was there first".

We both turned around at the voice, and saw two old ladies standing behind me. Both looked like they'd take no nonsense from anyone, and wouldn't hesistate to use their (hidden I'm sure) umbrella on anyone. Seeing herself outnumbered Platinum-Blonde Wobbly-Butt Machine-Stealing Gym Ho (which I had kindly taken on the liberty of naming her as), meekly stepped out, still wrapped in a towel, and I sidled past. I hung up my things and then.......triumphantly shut the door on her outraged face.

Now all was good.